Stalking - Funny Dictionary Definition Slate Coaster

"Stalking" Dictionary Definition Slate Coaster

We've all done it. A quick glance at someone's profile. Then their photos. Then their tagged posts. Then, somehow, you're three years deep into the Instagram of someone you've never met and you're not entirely sure how you got there or how long you've been gone. In the digital age, we've collectively agreed not to talk about this. Until now.

Styled with the straight-faced, authoritative typography of a genuine dictionary entry complete with pronunciation guide, this coaster addresses the modern condition with complete deadpan composure:

Stalking /stɔːk/ verb. Nonconsensual follow the leader.

Concise. Unflinching. Uncomfortably familiar to anyone who owns a smartphone.

It's a definition that captures something we all recognise but rarely acknowledge out loud , that fine blurry line between a casual browse and a full-scale digital investigation that somehow consumed an entire evening. The coaster does not judge. It simply defines, in the manner of all good dictionaries, and leaves the reader to sit quietly with their own thoughts and their search history.

This is, it should be said, a coaster pitched squarely at the social media era, a wry, knowing nod to the particular habits that the internet has gifted to an entire generation of otherwise perfectly reasonable adults. It's funny precisely because it's true, and true precisely because every single person who reads it will recognise themselves in it, at least a little, and probably more than a little.

Crafted from natural slate, each coaster carries its own distinct character, the raw, naturally uneven edges and individually varied surface texture ensuring that no two are ever identical. The laser-engraved lettering sits crisp and sharp against the dark stone, with a finish that looks genuinely premium and feels satisfyingly substantial in the hand. This is a proper, quality coaster that happens to also be extremely funny and quietly, brilliantly on point.

Entirely practical as well as perfectly timed, it protects surfaces from the ring marks of whatever drink accompanies your evening scroll, the glass of wine balanced precariously on your knee while your phone does the real work, the cup of tea going cold on the arm of the sofa while you fall down an entirely unplanned internet rabbit hole, or the midnight cup of something warm that keeps you company during a browsing session that really should have ended an hour ago. No judgement. This coaster has seen things.

It looks brilliant on a living room coffee table, a bedside table, a home office desk, or anywhere else that a phone tends to live and scrolling tends to happen. It's also, frankly, a coaster that deserves to be seen, guests will spot the engraving, read it, laugh, and then go slightly quiet in the way people do when something is too accurate to be entirely comfortable.

As a gift, it's inspired for anyone who spends a meaningful portion of their leisure time on social media, which in practice means virtually everyone currently alive. Birthdays, housewarmings, Christmas, Secret Santa, it requires no specialist knowledge of the recipient beyond a reasonable suspicion that they own a phone and have used it in a manner the subject of their attention remains unaware of. Again, no judgement. It's a coaster, not a confessional.

Perfect for:

• Social media enthusiasts of all levels of self-awareness
• Anyone who has ever lost an hour to someone else's Instagram grid
• The friend who always knows exactly what everyone is up to without being told
• Essentially all of us, if we're being honest about it

Sold individually. Your search history, as always, remains entirely your own business.

Designed and made in the UK
This coaster is part of the SRB Designs collection, with all products designed and manufactured in the United Kingdom. That means you are supporting craftsmanship close to home and enjoying a product made with care. The UK-based production results in high attention to detail from the moment the slate is cut, engraved and finished. The text quality, the clean edges and the overall appearance reflect this dedication to craft.

Care and maintenance
Because this product is made of natural slate, we recommend a gentle wipe with a damp cloth for cleaning. Avoid harsh chemicals or abrasive scrubs, as they may affect the finish. When not in use, store it flat to maintain its shape and longevity. The natural variations in the slate should not be considered defects; they are part of the material’s character.